A letter my husband wrote after our heartbreaking miscarriage.
Two Little Souls…
I sit here tonight, the last one awake in my dear family…heart heavy, with tears in my eyes. For today we found out that the little baby inside Greta, just 10 weeks old, was actually two. Identical twins that shared what was supposed to keep them alive…and in the end could not sustain their newly formed life. I sit here wondering what those two heartbeats sounded like, what lives they could have had. Yet smiling that they will always have each other. It’s hard to believe how much the heart can hurt for something that was barely living, for two souls I have not yet met.
My heart goes out to my beautiful wife who has had to carry these two little ones. I know her heart is hurting so much more than her physical pain… so great is the pain I see, and feel in her. I admire her strength, and want to save her from the pain I know I cannot. I again sit here wondering what these two little beings would be like…knowing the kindness given to them by their brothers would have given such joy brings a smile to the heaviness that sits within me tonight. And yet through the pain I see the blessing of the amazing boys I do have in my life. Tonight I look back with such thankfulness, for after sharing the days sadness with our two oldest boys I watched them cuddle into their mommies sobs, my sweet 6 year old asked his mommy what her belly felt like, she shared that it hurt…like what mommy, he said. Like needles sticking all around…with deep concerned eyes he touched his stomach and said that his belly hurt as well. Mommy said that it didn’t hurt as bad as her heart…”mommy my heart is hurting too”, he said. With tears in my eyes so many times today I feel most blessed for the family I do have…and for these two precious souls I do not get to meet. So with great pain, faith, and felt blessings, I say farewell to these beautiful unborn children, my heart going out to all parents who have lost children both born and unborn alike. And to the two young souls I have not met….I love you, and always will. Thank you for reminding me of the blessings I do have….Good night, and goodbye my loves!
Your hurting daddy