Feb
17

My Dearest Daughter: Saying Goodbye to Gender Disappointment

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My Dearest Daughter, Though I’ve never actually met you, you have always a part of me: a dream, a desire, a hope. Until today. Today I say goodbye to the dream that was you in order to make room for other dreams. For as long as I can remember I dreamed about hearing ‘it’s a […]

Jun
12

Our Sons Are Watching Too

Our Boys Are Watching Too

This past winter I had the privilege of attending a conference called “Shine” where the main speaker was the talented pastor and author, Bo Stern. Recently Bo also wrote a blog post discussing one of the main points that she spoke of at the conference. To summarize, both were about the shame that surrounds women and […]

Feb
14

Redefining family after baby gender disappointment

Brothers

They sit across from me waiting anxiously, eager to play cars, trains, superheroes, or ninja turtles. Boys. My destiny. I’m learning to embrace this. Honestly, it hasn’t come easily. My parent’s closet still has my American Girl Doll neatly packed waiting for my daughter to play with. There also sits my dollhouse my grandfather made […]

Feb
4

Taking the ‘but’ out of Love

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“Birth.” A day that will change your life forever. This day looks different to everyone. For some, it’s actually days…plural. For others it may be so fast you almost didn’t make it to the hospital. For some, it may not even happen at a hospital. For others it may include the best Neonatal Doctors and […]

Jan
31

I am Mom

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I know how to make homemade playdough, build the best forts. I race matchbox like a pro, have the best Choo Choo sound around, and have built some pretty great Chima Legos. I have seen every Veggie Tale movie, can belt out any Disney song, and know how to shake my thang to Raffi. I […]

Jan
28

Miscarriage–a letter to my unborn twins

My Dear Sweet Angel Babies As I stood in the bathroom, hovering near the pregnancy test, I could feel my heart beating in my chest. I knew I didn’t need to take any tests to confirm what my body had already been telling me. With 3 healthy pregnancies behind me, I knew. I was pregnant. Though […]

Mar
17

Designer Genes

Daddy: “Kadyn, you must have your mommy’s genes.” Kadyn: “No, mommy has her own jeans, they wouldn’t fit me. Mine are just right.” Of course, we knew the humor behind the dialog. However, it wasn’t until after the conversation that I really stopped to think about what he said. Our eldest, Kadyn, in a way, […]

Jan
13

Since when did I become “Mom”?

I became a mom the moment I conceived. I learned very quickly to self-sacrifice and to put my needs aside for the betterment of my children. During pregnancy you spend 9 months growing each child. You decline countless drinks, high sugar foods, and anything else deemed “unsafe” or “unhealthy.” You sacrifice your body to your […]

Sep
21

Baby Gender Disappointment

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Long-ing (noun): a prolonged, persistent yearning or unfulfilled desire or need, especially one that cannot be fulfilled. Baby gender disappointment. This is not something I am proud of. However, I feel it’s one of those unspoken things of motherhood. Therefore, I am willing to be transparent for a moment and share my heart. The reason this […]

Sep
20

Life Before Kids

The other day I was asked if I remember what life was life before having kids? Sure… Life before kids was quiet, carefree, and without much responsibility. We were able to sleep in (or sleep in general) until our hearts content, make plans on a whim, and our house was always clean. We rarely frequented […]